i think I am terrified of going to the doc today...because admitting that i believe i have mild bipolar...an being diagnosed with it will mean facing it.....

and i don't think I have it in me to face it...I am not a fighter, as much as it seems...I have always been very self destructive...and i fear...really...really...fear..

This could be a battle i will not win, because you cant win...just survive..what i have always struggled with anyway...