I just turned 18. My family is a mess and my teen years were filled with emotional and verbal abuse from parents and siblings - and abusive bf at 15, and another sexual abuse experience at 17. I have random memories of CSA, but not so sure how or when or who. I feel alone. The pain dosnt want to stop. The meds were helping for a while but now theyre not. I refuse to date. I tried to date just that once, and never again. Men scare me most of the time, but I trust no one - gender irrelevant. I feel so tired, hurt, isolated, and scared. I dont even want my brain to think of so many of these things, never mind remember them, accept them.... and then of course I try to sleep so I dont have to think and then I have nightmares.