Frances has a lot of wonderful points. I will add a few of my own...

I am a woman who has trouble with sex. I have been raped twice, have talked through it in therapy, have worked hard on pleasing my man. It is hard when I don't have sexual desire and am told that in order for my husband to be truely happy, to really know that I love him I have to show him through sex. It hurts to have it pointed out again and again that I am a failure in this area of expression. Is it fair to be told that performing the act is not enough, that I have to ENJOY it as well in order for it to count? These are difficult obsticals to overcome. At times it felt as if SEX was my only purpose and that all the other things I did to show my love meant nothing. My hugging him, my touching him as I walked by, my gentle carressing when he was sad just didn't count for anything. This hurt. Sex was painful for me, but I had to give him sex or I was the abnormal one, the broken one, the one who will be left because I just couldn't give enough. The pain runs very deep. I am getting better. I understand that humans are sexual creatures and psychological health can often be determined by sexual desire but sometimes can't touching without sex be enough?
Carrie

<font color=green>Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings.--Elisabeth Kubler-Ross