I know what you mean, and do basically the same thing. It's surely basic psychology to mask one's own true feelings, so it shocks me that some psychologists seem to fail to pick-up on something so blatant.
Quote:
‘Smiling depression is a term often used to refer to a patient who you think is depressed, but doesn’t look it and often won’t admit it,’ says leading London psychiatrist Dr Cosmo Hallstrom.
‘Sometimes they tell you, “No, I’m not depressed” — and they smile. But it’s a sad smile.’
To the outside world, they give no hint of their problem — often holding down a full-time job, running a family home and enjoying an active social life. But underneath they are suffering secret panic attacks, insomnia, crushing low self-esteem and even suicidal thoughts.
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I mean for God's sake, it took a second of Googling to come up with a couple of articles on masking one's anguish with a smile! The above is just one example, and I'm sure a very relateable one at that. A professional from, I think, Japan, dubs it: "
Smile-
mask syndrome"
Here is another tidbit, to which I strongly relate:
Quote:
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...you may wear masks so long you don’t really know yourself or what you are feeling. Not knowing yourself creates a lot of anxiety because you can’t make decisions and who you are is defined by others or how the day went. Avoiding feelings means you lose part of who you are and increases the liklihood that you’ll be depressed or anxious. Plus it’s exhausting to wear masks.
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I'm fairly sure it's common-knowledge that we all lie from time-to-time, whether severely or not, but the lies that can do a lot of gradual, deep damage, are the lies that we tell ourselves - yes, even those fake smiles. For me, it's not just a smile, but a joke - humor is a defense mechanism, for me; this is also not exactly a recent psychological breakthrough. :P
Morgansangel, what actually bugs me most about that, is the use of the word "managed", like it was an accomplishment. OK, fair enough, maybe he couldn't tell - we do get rather good at donning our years-practiced disguises, but couldn't it hurt not to actually assume it wasn't some great feat? I don't understand the logic of some doctors. He could have based a fair chunk of your entire progression throughout treatment, (if it were for, say, depression) on simply smiling and laughing, completely blissfully unaware that you're feeling worse than ever, underneath.
Some people maybe reflexively cry when they feel that way inclined, but others, I believe, flick another switch, and that's when they smile, joke, laugh, get defensive, perhaps even aggressive, or various other oddities that we use as self-defense. Emotions can be scary; it's perfectly acceptable to me, that some people maybe don't
want to jump headfirst into them. Learning to cope with emotions, would probably help. I've never been overly great with emotions, I think. I avoid crying like the plague, and anger scares me. Incidentally, nowadays, the emotions I tend to feel most of all, are sadness, fear, guilt, and anger/bitterness.
I guess, in their defense, especially for some people, it must be difficult to see past all the barriers we put up. The only time I can often truly see past these smiles, is with a partner of whom I'm so much in-love that I could tell a fake smile from a real one; this comes from experience. It's probably not fair to assume a doctor - someone whom isn't your best friend, partner, or family - should be able to familiarise themselves with you, so much that they can recognise your individual smiles. You could argue that it's up to
us to be straight with them, but the problem with that, is years of
habit - we may be so used to hiding behind a facade, that we don't
know how to be
us.
__________________
{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil
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