Emotions come like tsunamis
Engulfing me in pain & doubt & resentment & fear
Suffocating me then slowly retreating.
I can breathe again, but there is chaos all around.
Like pains of labor the emotions ebb and flow
Building to almost unbearable pain, then easing again
But the child is never delivered.
There is no joyful end,
Nor even a sorrowful one.
The waves come again, unannounced and angry
And I want to surrender to them
To let them carry me out to sea.
I am done in from struggling against the torrent.
I am not even sure for what I am struggling,
What is the reward should I not drown?
I wish to let the undertow take me, to give me release
To grant me peace
But instead I struggle still.