With my kids I don't let them have anything until they ask nicely without whine in their voice, that's how I put it to them. If they continue or throw a fit, they get put in time out and still don't get it. My son has a problem being too loud and we have worked with it by saying easy talking and giving a hand signal. A flat hand, palm down, lowering it. It has helped. I'm really sorry your so frustrated, I'm like that too really raises the blood pressure haha