You are right OE...I am terrible at self care, my T tells me all the time that it is key and that I must take better care of me. It just seems so wrong...I really dont deserve to be cared for you see, even by myself. That is my core belief, but I am trying to make changes to that. Slowly and with time I think it will happen.

I am surprised abotu the response to the relationship side of my post, and I think that there are some truths for me to hear about how I interact in relationships. I just cant respond to that or explain right now.

I mostly was shocked about the realisation that this goes all the way back to my infancy....I had shut this out and to realise that my worth was judged by my perceived 'weight' by my family is totally new information to process. I mean I knew my mother particularly was HORRID to me about weight etc.......but have never connected the dots to my present responses. And I think I have loads more to discover too.

My mother withheld milk from me as a baby (I found out recently) because I was not as skinny as my brothers................and so it started.

Yep....I have work to do