(on edit, that should be CLOSEST, LOL)

... Or are openly hostile or dismissive, what do you do?

In my particular situation, my family was in denial for so many years about my father's serious MH issues and the effects on the family. I have three much older sisters, he was bad but not as bad when they were in the house. But I was pretty young when they left, barely out of diapers for the first, in about. 3rd or. 4th grade when the last went away to college. They and I do not see eye to eye on just how bad my father was. They don't deny problems existed, but they accuse me of exaggerating, " oh, he would never do that". Well, he did. Also, because they're female, I don't think he perceived them as a threat or challenger somehow. With me, he definitely made it up in his mind that I was, first, the bastard child of another man, proof in his eyes of my mother's serial infidelity which existed only in his eyes. Then, when I became a young man, he was going around telling people he knew that my mother and I had an incestuous relationship, also completely untrue. So, I became a hated rival in his eyes. And he took every opportunity to beat me down, for the most part I was too scared to do anything but take it, at most I made little passive-aggressive comments under my breath.

My family dynamics are still weird. They view me as the unsuccessful black sheep who caused trouble back then and who never amounted to much in life. I feel like I did the best i could under horrible curcumstances. And I sacrificed my own life and happiness to protect my mother from him. And I get no credit for that. And, no one in my family can ever be direct, it's very two faced, one thing to your face, then another behind your back. And very judgemental.

The other dynamic set years ago, keeping up appearances - no matter what sick things were going on, it had to look "perfect" to outsiders, happy loving family. But the only outsiders allowed in were his circle, we were just required to perform on command, it was disgusting. Once the outsiders left, it was back to the same living Hell.

So, when I had my crisis last year, tongues really got to wagging. I did my best to hide it, but obviously people knew something was up. The only saving grace was that the day hospital program was a few miles from work and roughly the same hours, so they thought I was working like always. My one sister told the other I was mentally ill, I was weird, and I must be on drugs, that sort of thing. In the end, I guess they decided I was having a "mid-life crisis".

I got only negative comments, no support of any kind. They thought it was "really weird" that I joined a gym, because "we don't do that kind of thing". True, what "we do" is hide way from the world behind 4 walls. The warden is dead, but the prisoners never realized it meant they were free to go. So, any change I made they found very threatening - lost weight, new clothes, grew a very short, neatly trimmed beard, used a little "get the gray out" men's haircoloring, started cycling. Instead of a "way to go" I got scolded, or worse, angry confrontation. Because in their eyes, I'm still a 15 year old boy who should do what he is told and behave. They have never respected me as a grown man, don't even view me that way, so that all feeds into the negative self-image.

I've shared certain details, not all, with my boss, coworker, certain people at the gym I joined. And they have all been incredibly supportive. Then I go home, and get the disapproving stares or comments whenever I see or talk to my family. I am at the point I wish they would just go away and I would never see them again, but because my mother lives with me now, they are in my life until she dies one day, at least.

And, you know, it's incredibly sad, it's the same dynamic, just not as extreme, as with my father - someone who should nurture, protect, and support you instead abuses you and hurts you. And that hurts.