I swear I want to scream back "I'm F***ing trying but it's not working". So apparently Miguel has a name for how I'm being. I know it hurts Miguel because any issue he has usually he comes and speaks to me privately. Whether it's he's frustrated with a video game, boy problems , or he's just sad I'm his problem solver.

The fact that I haven't physically harmed anyone is good enough for me right now. Most days I've been wanting to punch my husband in the back of the head, for no reason. I swear I'm pushing him further and further towards suicide. I really don't mean to.

Unfortunately the school year just started so all are fail safes are not available for about a month. I'm trusting my husband less and less to the point my therapist (and you guys) had to tell me to take my PRN before I did.

I have no idea why I'm writing this it's just sad, I'm really trying too.