OE, I really appreciate all of the time and thought that goes in to your responses, not only to me, but to everyone here. Your caring, gentle nature comes through from your words.

You have a great ability to say, at times almost verbatim, what my T says to me a lot when we discuss these topics. Like the fact that my siblings, even my mother, "just don't get it" that none of us needs to continue to live this way, he is long dead, almost 15 years. Yet he dynamic he set in place stays. But they can't even recognize the problems in themselves, or are in deep denial. Each is wounded in a way, but they make no effort to change. I change and it threatens them.

Your last paragraph is the answer to this, stop hating myself, live how I want to, fill my life with joy instead of pain. I know it's the answer. It is just a hard thing to do. Especially when it almost is a question of breaking ties to the only people I have really ever had in my life. But believe me, I've heard this before from T's, I still have to learn to connect the dots from A to B.