I understand "exactly" what you are saying, I have struggled with this dilemma myself too. I have met some other members that are actually some "very nice people, intelligent too" and I hear the same from them as well. It seems as if each of them are more "aware" and yet they all deal with "family" that continues along with their dysfunctional behavior and often treat them as if they "the victim" is at fault.

Unfortunately, people/human beings develop a way to "practice denial" and PTSD sufferers get to a point where they can no longer "just" and really struggle and wish "they could just again". But an injury is an injury and "all" injuries get worse unless time is finally taken to "heal" be it body or mind.

You have been going over "your own injuries" that you had collected and didn't get the right "help and comfort" for in your childhood. It is finally "time" for you to talk about these "hurts" and "yes" you will relive them in ways you never knew someone could. But "slowly" you will mourn them with the right support and validation that will finally "help you heal".

When you come across a situation or interaction with others who remind you of your hurt, you will feel the hurt. However, as you "slowly" learn the meaning "behind" how you are affected and how to "better respond", something that our "parents" are supposed to help us with and didn't, you will make "gains". This "journey" is a challenging one and each person will "vary" depending on how much "hurt" is there.
We all feel this challenge in often "confusing ways", so it is very important to "understand it" and "not self punish or feed into it".

YOU ARE NOT REALLY ALONE WITH THIS EITHER.

(((Hugs)))
OE