Johny it is like I amreading what is actually going on in my mind in your posts. I was the one my mother choose to pick on, choose to alienate and take a lot of her issues out on. The rest of my siblings learnt from her behaviiur towads me and followed suit. I was constantly ridiculed, and sadley his happens even now when he family all gets together.
Not so long ago in a discussion mum was sharing what she thought all of us kids would turn out to be in life, she talked about my 3 siblings and then changed the subject, so I asked hey what about me....what did you think about me. Her response? "I never really thought about you" and then my brothrs and sister just hooted with laughter. I was 38, a mother, an optician..........and still not good enough.

I am tying to distance myself from my family because their views and ways of beingmay never change.....but I no longr need to suffer the pain they cause. It is hard, I am conflicted, but I will try to make it work on my terms. They know no better.

Sorry for typos.....on my tablet lol

Johnny I hope you do what you deserve and can put yiurself first.....it is not selfish, it is just being kind to yourself! And, awesome stuff in the gym.