Jaime, I've been in your shoes and I sincerely hope you get past this point soon.
I at times was distraught thinking that, maybe this whole bipolar thing is a mistake. Maybe I'm just a selfish, crazy uncaring person. But I'm not. If I was, would I feel guilty for the things I've done? No, I just wouldn't care. But I do. And I've taken steps to get better, I've made changes in my life and I are my meds. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all imperfect. But we're striving to do things the right way and that counts for something