I have done a lot of things that I now worry about and am so ashamed. I tell my T its hard on some days to even look at myself. I have made some very wrong decision while being manic and they still are messing with my meds so its a great big fear all the time. I don't have an answer for you but just remember we are all human and we make mistakes. Some illnesses cause people to act or do things that really aren't them. Just try to be kind to yourself; we are always more harsh on ourselves than others.