I am in my forties. I grew up in the part of Asia where mental healthcare has not been widely available. After coming to America about two decades ago, I was diagnosed depression and anxiety. Never really improved much. In the past 3 years, I have suspected I have Asperger all along. My suspicion has grown stronger since I saw my Mom last time. She is in her 70s and has always been staying home. She has only one or two friends. Easily gets angry. She has always been known to be nice to her friends but not to her own family. Now that she's older, she does not appear friendly any more even to friends. She does not make conversation during dinner with anybody. Me and her only sees each other once every one or two years. There's nothing deep in our conversation over the phone or in person. She never asks "How are you?". There's little physical contact when we lived together. When I asked for help emotionally, she got angry and defensive; she would try to end the conversation quickly by saying "just focus on doing your part and don't care what others think about you."

My worries now is more about how to deal with my life as a wife and son. I am failing my son because I have difficulty connecting with him. Sometimes, I feel that I am worse than my mom as a parent. Being unemployed has made things even worse. There's less to provide for my son materially. My guilty feelings are building up stronger by day. I have entered into some sort of viscous cycle where my social anxiety, lack of confidence, depression are disabling me to a point where I am shying away from seeking jobs.