I hope you are feeling better this morning. It sounds like you have been doing a good job of taking care of yourself even though it may not feel like it. You recognized when you needed help and were willing to go to the hospital, you applied for Medicaid and are seeking therapy, you are setting small goals each day and asking for help when you need it, etc. Those are healthy behaviors.

You sound like someone who keeps kicking to get to the top. I hope you will find some space today to recognize what you have done and let go of what you feel is missing ... and allow some peace in.