Hi, Vivian. Glad you found Psych Central. It's a very supportive and friendly site. We have lots of forums to choose from. I so sorry that your life has not worked out the way you wanted it to. You are not alone. Mine hasn't either. You didn't mention if you have ever seen a counselor, but it would be a good idea because a counselor could help you with your low self-esteem. It is good that you could share your story with us. Take a look around and post when you feel the urge. Hope you find what you are looking for.