Today I had class at 8:00 till 8:50, yeah..I hate those classes. I also had some hours to put in at the lab since I'm working on a project with one of my professors on orphaned and vulnerable children in South Africa. I woke up this morning at 6:00 am and just couldn't make myself do it. I emailed my professor and went back to bed. I woke up repeatedly with severe anxiety about missing class. I know that it wasn't a big deal, and it's the first time, and I'm allowed three...but I was beating myself to death for it.
How could you miss class?
You probably slept enough, why are you so lazy?
You won't even do anything all day, you're such a waste.
I kept trying the relaxation exercises my T taught me to try and center myself and get away from the anxiety. It's completely unwarranted, but I just couldn't do it. My heart was racing, my mouth was dry, I couldn't get out of bed yet my head was screaming I needed to or I would lose it. I don't know why I even bother giving myself these break days when I know all I'll do is hate myself for being so weak...