so, my story is a complicated one, and my emotions are at fault. and i would like to explain the story to get it off my chest.

i was young, i am not going to put an age so no one knows any specifics.

i was dating this girl, and i loved her. we had a good relationship. me and a few of my friends went out to the bar and we were drinking. and i got roped into threesome with one of my friends. cheating on my current girlfriend. then after all of it, on the way home, he starts coming at me with why did you do it. and all sorts of other stuff. "dont you love ******" and i was still confused from the alchohol.
i broke down and cried and confessed my love for her. his suggestion is that he would keep it secret as long as i did the right thing. and marriage was brought up. being emotionally distraught i agree and go buy a ring. inside i was thinking about the other girl. But i was like i have to make this right. and i went on to marry her. seeing the girl a year after my wedding, i realize that my feelings were stronger for her then my wife. and i fell in love with her (im leaving things out, lets just say the other girl was constantly on my mind) as far as i knew i loved my wife.
a few months later it happened again and i see her. my heart flutters.

Now i love and loved my wife. and i avoided this girl as much as i could. stopped going to the places where she was, and skipping hanging out with my friends when she was around.

my wife was pregnant, and i was happy. a few days before the birth i had a party. (celebration party) and i had my friends over. then she strolled through the door.

and from that point on, this story gets bad.

i cheated again. now alchohol was involved. but this is not the end.

from that point on my world was torn.

i loved my wife, and this other girl. and no i dont mean lust.

i truely loved both of them and i had no idea how to stop. i tried avoiding her, and on purposly finding things other to do. but she was always there. and it wasnt a malicious thing.

so now im distraught and confused.
I didnt think it was possible to love two completely different people the same way. to love the scent of them. to feel their touch was a heavenly feeling.

I know you people are going to call me an asshole, and other things. and the women are going to go nuts over this. But i dont know what to do.

and i have thought of everything.

1. Just ignore her and tell her you can't be friends with her because you have a family, and your love for her is going to ruin that!
Answer: have you ever tried to tell that to someone you really love? have you felt the sadness that comes with telling the one you love that?

theres more, but it hurts me to just post this. im afraid