Sometimes you just cannot pick yourself up and fly right. You need help. If you got hit by a car you would need help. I agree that you need help and you need it right now.

The good news is that you might only need a very little bit of help to start turning your feelings around. Direction is crucial. I'm worried that you are letting it go down for yourself.

Are you like me in that you can perk up and fake it for people so that they have no idea how down you really are? It is a very good thing to be able to rise to the occasion, but can you see that it is kind of like a lie you are telling everybody - you act okay but are really not okay?

I haven't cut myself but twice, so Idon't know much,but I know Cutting is doing something because of feelings. If yoiu can do that, mayabe once you can take the same focus of energies and put it into something that doesn't make you bleed. Hurting yourself is a vicious cycle, because youfeel bad for doing it and that takes away choices you used to feel okay about.. Cutting requires cutting experts, not you and not me and not most well-meaning people. That's why yoiu keep it secret;, because you know almost everybody would be upset and miss the facgtthat yiou are in pain.

Listen to me run on and on. It's a protective vibe. If yo don't like what we write to you, just close your eyesand say 4000 times "somebody cares" Or, if that's too hard, write it on your mirror.

My people are making me safe. I don't think you can take help if you don't feel safe but, and this is tricky, sometimes you really are safe with people who want to help you, but you can't feel it. I'm afraid that if I ask forhelp I won't be able to take my life back if I feel stronger. That's a legitimate concern with some folks, while others are willing to help you stand up then step baack tosee how you do on your own.

If you are to live, you have to find a way to take control of your life without going down thedark slide. Asking for help is lilke asking fordirections- it can put you back in control.

If I were shere you could see me, I would ask me where I could put myself so that you felt safe that I was there if you needed me, but not so close that I was going to put pressure on you. That's what people on support lines and these cht rooms are doing. As long as you arewriting to us I am encouraged to think that you are doing something to reach out and control the stuff which is ganging up on you.

I guess i could write forever and ti wouldn't pump up your baloon, but every word i write to you is excellent advice for myself that I wouldn't have put into words if itweren't for you. In that sense, you are helping me just by existing. Keep it up. I know it hurts, but i know you are strong enough to write about it.