This has all been a rant, I know. Some have probably viewed this and just passed on even replying. that's fine. Just think of this as a person "virtually" going outside to scream for a minute. Nothing to do about it, nothing to fix. It is what it is.

Fact is I get angry at the world. At existence, at the universe sometimes. There is no logic to it, there is no reason or rhyme to it. It is just the way it is. I am this monster I temporarily become.

Funny thing in the midst of it, I am acting irrationally and angry at everything, saying things that even at that moment I know are either stupid, illogical or just plain foolhardy but it's like a part of me just says screw you. It's like a part of me wanting to do the opposite, think the opposite and say the opposite of what really is true even in my own mind. I guess what's weird is that I've always thuoght that people became irrational in their rage. I act irrationally but somehow there's always a tiny voice in me saying "you liar, you know this is bullsht" So maybe I'm just a faker? meh. no... I don't think so but it is a curious thing.

sorry for my rant.