Hi all. For now, I'll introduce myself only as my screen name, Selenite. In time, maybe I'll take it a step further. I'm poking my head into this forum because I think I could have bipolar. I've never been formally diagnosed with anything - not even severe depression - because I've never sought help. I've always been strong and determined. I've always battled everything on my own and never needed help from anyone or anything. But now I'm exhausted. This is a battle I've been facing for a very long time. If I look back over my life, I recognize a lot of cycles of depression and what I can only assume is mania. If it's not mania then I don't know what it is.

I know that I need to see a doctor but I'm afraid. I'm equally afraid that he'll confirm and deny my suspicions. But I also can't see a doctor because I have no insurance and I have no money. I left my last job (in another country) because I was in such a deeply depressive state that every minute I was not working, I spent in my bedroom, unable to face other people - aside from a few manic days when I went on a major shopping spree. So I'm also not working and not working means that I don't have money.

I've tried to contact a couple of hotlines (one chat, one phone) but they didn't work very well. The chat guy made me feel worse. The phone guy made me feel like I was at the McDonald's drive-thru window.

What this really boils down to is: I need help and I have no idea how to ask for what I need when I know I can't pay for anything, and I have no way of getting there because I can't ask real-life friends for this kind of help.

Suggestions?