I know just what you mean, Alexandra, I feel the same way about "time out" for children. My mother died when I was 3, was sick for all my life and thinking about time out, being forced to be away from someone when you're desperate to be with them. . . that makes my skin crawl, seems to me the epitome of cruelty but I understand it and the rationale "in theory" :-)

Yes other people do/should matter to us and we to them but I think we get tangled when we're children and around our parents or other primary caregivers mostly; if we don't learn interaction "right" for some reason, don't learn we're okay and valuable the way we are, for who we are, aren't "encouraged" then we have the problems in later life which we go to therapy for. I think that when therapists try to reassure us, tell us they like us "early" on before a real relationship is established, we don't believe them anyway usually, think they're just "saying that" to be nice/because we pay them? Once I'd established a working relationship with my therapist and we were working "together" I didn't need to ask her if she "liked" me because it was obvious she did in the work we were doing together. We don't ask a friend or coworker if they "like" us, we'd be embarrassed to! We figure it out okay and usually it's not an issue?

It's harder when we tell a therapist something "special" that is really big in our own lives/head and that we think will change the relationship, that our T won't think well of us anymore or will relate to us differently. But I think we have trouble seeing around the size of whatever it is in our own life and the enormity of how it feels to us! Think about something big you've confessed here on the boards (or imagine someone else's confession), how you want to (and sometimes do) delete it the next moment, etc. but other people come on and reassure? Remember being that other person when someone talks about their sleeping with a ex- or hating their parents or themselves, their bulemia/anorexia, SI? It doesn't affect the listener the same way it does the person confessing. The listener is very much interested, that's not an issue, but the listener isn't as keyed up or anxious/upset by the other person's problem usually (unless triggered by it) and that's even more so for a therapist.

Disgust is usually all in our own head, it's a personal thing. What we're disgusted by is as different between people as what triggers us? And, when we think another person will be disgusted by us, that's kind of similar to when we're depressed and think we're worthless; we're about as disgusting as we are worthless :-) which is, not at all. We're worried about people liking/not liking us in proportion to worrying about our mother or other caregiver liking us and then a spouse or other SO. If we're unlucky and "ignorant" and get surrounded by people we feel are tearing us down, it's kind of hard to think or accept someone likes us or have it not be an issue, so it doesn't really matter that much. I don't worry about whether you like me or not, just accept that you do or you wouldn't be taking the time to reply thoughtfully to me :-) If you were to say something that made me believe you didn't "like" me/my response, I'd move on to another post, another day, another "project." There would be other people who would like what I was saying. That "acceptance" is what I did with my T; since she was "responding" to me without saying anything hurtful or trying to push my buttons, etc., she must "enjoy" working with me?