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ultramar · Sep 19, 2013, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I didnt order my lithium in time so it's been a week and I guess why not stay off it. I haven't texted my t in two weeks. He doesn't think it's good for me. Now I feel bad so I textd him saying "I feel too depressed to come in tomorrow" and "I might call in if I don't feel well enough"

He said:

"OK"

That's it. Just ok. Maybe he just doesn't care about me anymore. I've list my mom and now him. I'm alone in my sadness. I didnt work today. I just slept. It's hard to feel so alone. I don't want to go thru the holidays. It all sucks. Same thing every year. Just our little family. No extended family. I've been very attached to my T. Now I worry he might be hoping I quit.

You've posted a few times starting several months ago that your therapist doesn't think texting is good for you, and then he seemed to become increasing insistent about it until he finally 'banned' it. So it's possible that this is a 'tough love' sort of situation in which he is trying to discourage it. It is possible, that if he had responded more how you would have liked, the texting would have continued on your end? It sucks, but I think he's seen how texting can make you spiral, and he is ultimately trying to protect you from that.

I've noticed how sensitive to his perceived rejection or lack of caring, as many of us are, you can be, and I suspect this has more to do with your reaction than your medication per se. But you are clearly still very depressed and I hope you're able to feel better after talking to him about this. If you can share with him how abandoned you feel about the lack of out of session contact -if you haven't already- maybe you can get to the root of this, and begin -baby steps- to feel, deeply and lastingly, that he cares about you, despite issues with texting contact. I hope things start to look up for you soon, Butterflying!