In case anything triggers anyone for any reason I will go ahead and use that just in case.

My first post in a while. I have had major ups and downs recently, mostly downs. That led me to thinking about my life to the point I am at today, but in a more whole perspective of bipolar, on and off meds, which I have not really done before.

I looked at the situations I have been in, good and bad, mostly bad, or rather immoral and bad, a mix of both.

And it all comes back to the cycles of my life, the crap it is and the feelings I have now which I have had before, oh so many times...so if it is this way, has been this way, that leads me to believe it will always be this way.

I don't have wonderful happy times like other people do. I have happy moments. I have major sad times that last far too long. I have crazy times where I know what I am doing is wrong, I see how I get to the places I am knowing how I got there but seems that I don't give a rat's ***** so I do it anyway.

So if that is the case, then why continue to put up with this crap? I mean honestly. This is a real discussion piece. I mean wouldn't anyone that was thinking as clearly as they could plan their exit strategy if this just went on for the rest of their life and they just didn't want it anymore? Isn't that the right of the individual person? Don't we have free will?