No maybe she won't pay for it. She just emailed me and now I'm terrified. I don't know why I bother with anything. I don't want to do anything. I just want to die. Okay? I can't handle my life anymore and I don't feel like it's worth trying. I can't escape her. There is nothing I can do and no one is here. I can't do this.

I'm not going to kill myself but I just don't know what to do and I can't even talk to anyone about it because none of my friends like the side of me that needs help. I just have to pretend to be all happy and smiley all of the time