So I have these thoughts. I think about suicide. All the time. Many times a day.

The problem is I dont feel depressed. Sometimes I feel like im about to burst into tears, but does that count as depression? Anyway, that's not my question.

I see a psychologist, and I sometimes contact a helpline when I feel suicidal. I am worried that doing these things indicates that I am seeking attention. If I am truly suicidal, why dont I kill myself? Why do I feel better after talking to a therapist?

I dont know. I just feel like I dont know whether this feeling is real or not.

So is there a way for me to be certain that I am depressed? Or am I just a weak, attention seeking asshole as I suspect?

Please be honest, I don't want any sugar coating please.