wadingthruemotions, I too, have been having these thoughts and don't what to deal with it anymore. I'm tired of trying and trying and getting no results. I'm on yet another drug that justs leaves sleepy and tired. I guess the idea it that if I enough of a zombie I want care if I'm depressed or not. So I think about dying and I even make plans, but I'm afraid of messing it up and winding up like Miguel's Mom said in worse shape than I was before. So I look a suicide like rolling the dice there is still no guarantee of death. So I'm not sure if it really gives us free will or not.