Wendy, I found it impossible to get through your post but it's not necessarily your fault. Once before I was faced with this same problem of not being able to see two of my grandsons. They were being abused and neglected and I felt I had to do something about it. As a result, my daughter cut me out of her life and the boy's live. Why? Because she is a paranoid schitzophrenic!

I got involved with Grandparent's "Rights." "Rights" is in quotations because after much dealing with grandparents and trying to understand where parents were coming from in not allowing their children the benefit of good grandparents, I learned that in reality, grandparents don't have "rights"; we have priviledges.

Many of the words you use are the same that angry, militant parents used to bash good grandparents. As much as I could, I tried to get through their anger and find the real reason's for their militancy. Some were very eager to share their experiences in a calm, clear manner realizing that they and I had no quarrels and were trying to reach the same goals. We were all trying to find our way in what seemed an impossible situation. In honor of these great parents that were willing to put effort into getting me to understand their situation, I dropped my campaign for Grandparent's "Rights." So please, don't tell me about parent's rights, their ultimate authority, etc. I wasn't nor am I a perfect mother, but I can sure tell when something is seriously amiss.

When you speak in defense of my DIL, I feel as if you take for granted that I speak to her as I speak here about her. I assure you that is not the case.

As I've said before, I used to go over and clean their house, bathe the kids, do the maggot-y dishes and cook dinner. Something I didn't do for myself! I not one single time spoke to her in anger or frustration. I tried to get her to get involved with me and I would give her all the credit for how the house looked at the end of the day.

I tried to teach her how to do her hair, telling her that I supported myself and two kids as a beautician. As far as she was and is concerned, I didn't have a clue as to what I was talking about. She condemned me, no, she was certain that I bought the most expensive hair products and THEN condemned me, not only for spending money unwisely because she thinks that the cheapest products work as well as the more expensive ones. Then she labelled me an idiot. The way I tried to get her to see the difference was to offer to do her hair for a special occasion and I brought my own products and used them on her. Her hair shown for the first time since I had met her. For the first time, her own curls actually formed because I used a lighter hair moose than she does.

I don't know that I can ever convince you about how immature, inexperienced, ignorant and close-minded this girl is! And she is the way she is because her father made her that way! He's as ignorant and stupid on top of that, as she is! Come hell or high water, HE is right... even when you show him in black and white that he is NOT.

It was the same way with a bunch of baby goats that he bought at an auction. He knew that I had raised SHOW GOATS, but as far as he was concerned, I didn't know a thing. Both my son and I tried to tell him what he was doing wrong and he flat refused to believe us. As a consequence, he killed about 60 baby goats in about 3 months time. He'd get a batch, bring them home, overfeed them, gave them no shelter, they'd get the scours, die and off he'd go to buy some more. But he was doing it right! He knows everything there is to know about everything and his daughter is the same way.

Now, every time John wants to do something or tries to do something that she doesn't approve of, which is almost anything HE thinks of, she threatens to leave and take the kids where he'll never see them again. She won't listen to him, she won't try to understand him or his needs and wants, etc! What kind of a marriage is that??

I've said enough and I've worked myself up enough. I understand what you are saying but I don't agree with a lot of it, especially when it comes to maltreatment of my own blood, that being my son and my innocent grandchildren. I've tried kindness, I've tried friendship, I've gone out of my way to help her, I've even shown her that I love her. I do! She's endearing in many ways but most of all, she's my son's wife and I honor that. But I will NOT put up with her tormenting her children like she did the other night! My son tried to convince her to stay home but she would have none of it. Why?? Why did she have to come and sit outside in the truck, make the kids sit in their car seats for two hours and not let them even come in to go to the bathroom and get a drink? She had to take them to a gas station! Even my son questioned her intentions!

Ok... I've had enough of this anger and frustration! I need to get through the mourning of two loved ones and some anger issues I have with my ex that just cropped up tonight. I'm not going to play fast and loose with my grandchildren's lives and feelings. I have enough foresight and experience to not do that.




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>