For years I desperately tried to decide if I was lazy or if my depression made it seem like I was lazy (is laziness part of who I am, or am I sick?). Last week I discovered this forum on PC, and I realized there were people that have the same symptoms of depression, including a lack of motivation/ability to engage in everyday activities. Now I am sure that I am not lazy, But depression can make me seem lazy to the uniformed observer. Now I can check off one thing on my list of things to worry about.

Suicidal thoughts are real, your feelings are real, and you should not ignore them. If you feel close to acting on suicidal thoughts, it is a real emergency, seek help immediately. These feelings are not a reflection of who you are, they are a reflection of an illness that you suffer from.

Depression is insidious and does not always manifest in an easily recognizable form. Talk to your psychologist and consider going to see a psychiatrist.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. Hope you feel better.