Pilatus,

I so understand this...

Part of moving on and forgiving myself was to call it as truthfully as I could...sometimes to say, "It wasn't my fault". Sometimes, though, I had to say, "Geez, I really screwed up. That was crappy of me." and own things as well.

What I find interesting looking back? It was much easier to own the ugly than to realize that it wasn't my fault. I wonder if that's because part of that is admitting the massive lack of power and control I had? I think so. That's a scary thought.

I haven't moved on with everything and wonder if we ever completely do. I have moved past alot, bringing alot with me. For me, it was about reframing what was there and incorporating into my life now as opposed to moving on...because what's "back there" helped to form who I am now...good, bad and ugly.

I hope this made some kind of sense and wish you more than well.

KD