Still learning about bpd, I really don't like they say manipulative is a symptom, makes me sad.

My older 2 teens SI, for example... they were never showy about it - I was shocked when I found out. My daughter would cut in places no one would see, then refuse & have excuses to not wear a swimsuit. And my son did it once in front of us because he'd lost total control of his emotions, it was total impulse, possibly also a manic rage. Neither of these were for attention seeking - they were impulsively dealing with intense emotional pain.

My idea is that bpd people are highly sensitive & often in emotional turmoil. So the people who care about them and want to help, have an expectation that their help should be accepted and appreciated by the bpd friend, lover, patient (client is a word I prefer), family member, etc. If said help/advice isn't followed, we don't change how they expected, or we start finally trusting & reaching out for more help we really need - they start feeling manipulated or used or taken advantage of.

Just my initial idea about it. I have more of a problem with complacency - like not wanting people mad at me, wanting to please people. Holy cow - maybe I'm being manipulative right now and don't even know it!