I personally would rather you 'whine and whinge' than cut yourself. Sadly, this is your coping mechanism and if you knew another way, you would I am sure, opt for that instead. Just take it one small step at a time and do whatever you can to distract yourself from doing it. Jump around, scream, shout into a pillow, call a friend, write it all down or whatever you can or of course, keep posting here.

You say it's disgusting but I know how beautiful it can feel at the same time. It's such a horrible thing to go through and know how reliant you can become on it. Like a trusted friend it's always there. I get it I really do. But the relationship with 'it' is a toxic one that is a dangerous one.