So I am going to put aside your exT for my reply, because from some of your other posts there seem to be other things that show she wasn't a very good T.

Asking someone for a hug is NOT kissing their butt. It's expressing your need. People cannot read your mind.

Ts are supposed to offer support, but there is nothing anywhere saying that they should offer a hug, and I would think that a lot of them wouldn't offer hugs because it's so often crossing a boundary. Touching is probably one of the easiest ways to cross boundaries. They MIGHT offer one if they got a sense that the other person was a huggy sort of person - like... no one would offer to hug me really, because my body language displays that I am NOT a huggy person (I've usually got my legs up in front of me and/or have my arms crossed. When I'm standing I've either got my hands playing with my pockets/purse, or crossed or other such things that make me inaccessibly to hugs).

I feel sad for you though, that you seem to expect people to read your mind and automatically know what you need or want? No one can do that, and you'll always be disappointed and think that your thoughts are correct....