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Old Sep 20, 2013, 07:31 PM
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1stepatatime 1stepatatime is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: May 2001
Location: SW Fla.
Posts: 1,160
Quote:
Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl View Post
Being vulnerable makes me feel physically unwell at times, and I remember once after a session where I felt vulnerable and exposed for the first time I felt like someone had poured acid over me, and dissolved that outer layer of persona. I was a bag of nerves walking around, feeling incredibly self-conscious, until it dawned on me that being vulnerable to that extent with a trusted person didn't mean I was immediately vulnerable to the whole world and its mother.

Vulnerability is a difficult one. I doubt I could even say the words (like you, I'm much more able to communicate hard stuff by email) but I've noticed I'm allowing it in little ways as well. Today I confessed a maternal transference that's become very clear in the last few days and fear at the dependency on her which made me feel like I laid myself wide open for her irritation and ridicule and all sorts of hostility. But I did it, and a couple of weeks ago I'd rather have hacked off my own fingers with a rusty blade. Baby steps. We can do this vulnerability thing!
Wow!! My hat is off to you that you were able to discuss maternal transference...I have touched on that in email but that is it. It sort of plays with me because my T is about ten,eleven years younger so it is sort of weird. But a good friend who is a T told me that transference does not care about age...that helped. Thanks for your post
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