about three weeks ago, i was called out to go talk to an elderly man who was really stressed out. his wife has Alzheimers and is at home. she was refusing her meds.

i was sitting on her bed and he was in a chair and i reached over to hold her hand and she swung back and hit me as hard as she could in the left breast. i only have the one implant now (other breast is natural tissue...from the reconstruction) and it is a very small saline one. i think she ruptured it.

the pain is old and familiar. i can feel fluid under my arm. i had an RN friend check it and she can feel fluid also. however, it hasn't increased any and that means that the leak has stopped. and the body will absorb the saline. BUT, the pain is killing me. 24/7. it burns a lot and then i pull my left shoulder up to compensate and that causes a muscle spasm to come under my left shoulder blade. i've had two massages and it helps (my daughter arranges them for me) but it's temporary.

i talked to a surgeon (no insurance) and she agrees with what the RN and i think but says if it goes on much longer, she wants to see me. i don't know what i'm going to do. i will not have any more surgery now. it's been 5 years next month and i am not mentally prepared to be cut open again.

the fluid does appear to be going down somewhat, but not as fast as i want it to. the pain is just like it was years ago when the silicone implants ruptured. once you've felt it, you never, ever forget it.

i'm trying to maintain my cheerfulness and continuing to counsel drive around the rural areas to different patients. driving really does cause it to burn more.

i won't take NARCOTICS. all i will take is darvocet, the smallest dosage. i hate lortab and the others. i don't like feeling high or woozy. the breakthough pain at night is really hard on me. and i'm losing weight as i am never hungry now.

i was 31 when i had breast cancer and i'm frigging 63 now.......i hate the FDA with a vengeance..........

end of whine. xoxoxo pat