I also appreciate your need to vent and share your frustration. After the breakup of my first marriage I didn't see my youngest daughter for over two years and my world collapsed. Had some very ordinary Xmases and Father's days, but after she came home realised that she needed a good relationship with her mum and her dad, for her sake. So I bit the bullet and shared access much as you are doing and looking back it was a wise decision. My daughters are grown now but are still my best friends in the world.