it's like I cannot touch my past!
....and the past is all myself everywhere the past ever happened...

it's the most meaningful thing I know

I ride a rollercoaster into the immediate time!...

the future has no effect on me I don't dream I have never been able to rely on 'dreams'

I am mentally ill my energy is transferred to an otherwise place ... I am often fascinated by how the future arrives ....
and I am ambushed by time and likewise assaulted by emotional descriptions of both.

always doing the 'catch up'
thoroughly psycho pre-occupied

suspended in memories