If reading this will make you think negatively of me please don't read thank-you.

I'm only taking 12.5 mg every other day. I'm not sleeping with out it 1.5 hrs this afternoon in the last 48 hrs but before that due to AP I slept 14 hrs. I don't need to sleep that long.

I need to continue taking it right now?

- I'm still erratically physically lashing out at my husband (not often)
- verbally lashing out at my husband/ random yelling (less today)
- thinking my meds are going to kill me
- thinking meds are making me gain weight and that was "their" (pdoc, T, husband) plan
- sleep is for the weak
- Secretly hoping someone will get injured so I can see it and pick up the mess
- Shivers of rage when waking
- Thinking If I don't sleep it'll leave me less erratic, & angry

But....
- I feel calm
- I no longer want to intentionally cause harm to myself or others "because it would look pretty"
- my son can hug me without me squirming
- I can understand English if there's not a lot going on
___

I want to stop the AP as soon as possible yes partially due to the possibility of weight gain but also sleepiness. When do you think I could stop it because I'm no longer really a danger to anyone?

Yes, T knows I had all these symptoms last time I was there 9 days ago. T wants me on an AP all the time but that's not going to happen. T reminded me several times that I need to sleep and take my AP right now but she never said how long. I don't want to ask my husband because he doesn't want me on an AP at all but will tell T otherwise So I'm asking here. Again sorry for being scary crazy.