I am not sure what to write but I guess I just need help! Well here goes nothing.....

I have been married for 14 years and have 2 amazing kids 14 and 10. I had a very difficult childhood. I was the youngest of 7, yours mine and ours household. 3 of 4 sisters diagnosed bipolar. Don't remember most of my childhood, but when I was 14 I was raped and that's when I started acting different. I met my husband at 16 and was married and expecting when I was 17. I knew he was the one from the moment I met him. All I ever wanted in life was to be a great mother and wife.

Went through a lot the first several years with my husbands addiction to porn. When I was 25 I had a full hysterectomy. Things went crazy in my body and brain. So I was depressed for a long time but then went manic. I had a 1 night stand with a co-worker.

Next about a year and a half later I had a couple time fling. Not long after that another couple night fling. My husband didn't know. Starting this summer I met someone through a friend and began chatting and immediately it became physical. The last thing I ever wanted was to cheat, I love my family!!!!!!!!

This one was different, it was all summer. "I" finally broke through about a month after my husband found text messages between us. My best friend had helped cover and was very toxic I now know. The whole time I was with this person I felt like I was seeing what was happening but not being able to control anything I said or did, same as the other times. I acted totally out of control. I was calling in so I could spend more time and eventually got fired. Even after I got fired I continued going in to "work" for another four weeks so I could keep seeing him.

So I am dealing with it now with my husband but can barely remember anything that happened. I was diagnosed bipolar not long after the cat was out of the bag........

Please I need advice or just to know someone else experienced something like this would be good.