So, I was laying in bed trying to sleep and thinking of the past when it dawned on me why I have been so anxious and ruminative these past few days. Today is the anniversary of my breakdown. The night I lost the man of my daydreams and was thrown into an abyss of despair that took me 7 months to climb out of and was part of what got me diagnosed bp1 w depression. My life changed forever that night and 7 years later I realize I am still not over it. Its not like I can bake a cake and say happy anniversary. It is a sucky day and I am going to end up spending it alone and that sucks too. Guess I'll be doing a lot of writing today. Thanks for listening.