I don't know, MM. I've been on an AP full-time since February and since it's the glue that holds me together, I don't think I'll ever come off of it entirely. Given the severity of your symptoms, I'm actually surprised your pdoc doesn't have you take yours on a daily basis....you certainly sound unstable and shouldn't be left to suffer like you are.

However, if you haven't tried Geodon (ziprasidone) it might be worth asking him/her about switching you to that. It doesn't make you gain weight, and at low doses it doesn't sedate you all that much. It takes a little longer than Zyprexa to bring one down off a manic episode, but it does work within 2-3 days.

The one thing that's hard to deal with is tapering down---withdrawal hits pretty hard. That's frustrating when you're trying to dial back on it, as I did a few weeks ago only to hit a wall. Apparently not taking an AP isn't an option for me at this time of life, but I LIKE being in remission. It's been over 2 years since I haven't had to fight this damn disease every. single. day. You deserve better too. Please talk to your doc!