Last week I had my zoloft dose doubled from 50mg to 100mg as it wasn't working.

Well, I've spent the last five days in bed pretty much.

I managed a shower this morning when all of a sudden I heard two voices taunt me, it instantly made me remember a stressful meeting I have at the end of the month and I began breathing faster, heart was going and I felt really light headed.

I've got a lot going on at the moment, too much to handle when I'm like this. I feel too anxious to go out - more so because I don't want to integrate with society.

I saw my CPN a few days ago and she said I need another mood stabiliser so I've got an appointment with the pdoc coming up.

I told her how I felt like calling the hospital and telling them I can't take life anymore come and get me before I hurt myself and she said I'll get sectioned if I do that, she said at worst I'll be on the wards but she doesn't really want that for me.

I feel so emotional I want to break down and cry - but no tears are coming it's almost like they're stuck. I can't cry for some reason.

Although I don't want to die, I just want all of this gone. I am done with the constant ups and downs, the constant inner turmoil and head fog.

Sigh...

I don't know if I can wait to see the pdoc (which might be up to a month). I'm feeling on the edge and I'm about to surrender.