On most birthdays I feel depressed or anxious depending on the circumstances. I feel like I don't deserve to celebrate so I isolate myself and hardly tell anybody about it. There is no point to tell anybody because nobody will show up anyways. I think I'm more hated in the real world than online, which really says something because I kill every thread I type into.
I think its more of a sign of depression or anxiety than BPD. Or maybe because we have no sense of self we don't know what people are celebrating when they do celebrate it. Usually I would just sit around and get drunk/high on my birthday to help forget about my woes. Last birthday I took some anxiety medicine and ate some pizza with a friend. The rest of the day was spent by myself and nobody from my family even bothered to come see me or even wish me a happy birthday.
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"Much like wind blowing through hollowed cemetery grounds, we all circulate within this void of reality in search of something more profound. Hopes and Dreams fuel our will to live, projecting our desires into the universe and awaiting what it gives. Throughout life's journeys you will encounter Saints as well as the Heartless, but remember, in order to Appreciate the Light, one Must spend time in Darkness." ~ Prozak
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