i'm in a funny mood today. i tried to write something for my t but i don't know what to say to him. i don't know him well enough... i need to look into going to another city for a couple months as well. i... i don't want to go. i'm scared. i'll have to find somewhere to live. i'll have to meet new people. i don't want to go. i don't want to leave my t. he said i could have two sessions a week next year. but maybe he has changed his mind on that anyway.

i worry that i'm boring him. i worry he is bored with me. he finds me boring. hard work. not rewarding. unexciting. dull.

i don't know what to say to him. i tried to write.

i hate myself sometimes. hate hate hate. i hate me. all this festering crap inside of me and there is nothing to be done...

except to send bob hate mail...

bad bad me