I don't know what the things are that you are trying to change. It probably makes a bit of a difference...

But...

It strikes me that you aren't complacent about therapy. And it strikes me that you really are working towards the things that you want in life. And so... It strikes me... That you don't need your therapist to be giving you a hard time because you are more than capable of giving yourself a hard time.

> I also really want her to be proud of me too.

I think that is understandable. It feels wonderful when the people we care about feel proud of us :-)

How long have you been working with your therapist for?

I found... I struggled a lot with CBT therapists because of the focus on change. I worked with one... And I cared about her a lot. And she would give me strategies for changing things... And they didn't seem to work with respect to my changing... And eventually she got burned out with me :-(

And then I got another t. And I cared about her a lot. And she would give me strategies for changing things... And they didn't seem to work out with respect to my changing... And she was fairly creative and she would come up with some new strategies that I hadn't tried before. And sometimes I had success with those :-) And sometimes I didn't. And sometimes... When I was feeling really rather demoralised about not changing... She would change strategies altogether and say something like 'oh well, you have been doing this for how long? and you are still alive here with me now so if you don't change this then oh well it isn't the end of the world' and then she would smile at me. And sometimes... I'd stop beating myself up about my lack of progress and... Change would just occur. I'm paradoxical like that :-)

And sometimes change wouldn't occur but you know what? I've been doing that for how long and here I am still alive and I'm okay right as I am right now :-)

Maybe... It might be time for a change? Sounds like your t is starting to burn out because she doesn't know what else to do to change you. That is probably a counter-transference thing... Maybe she struggles with trying to change herself too... I admire your persistence in still working with her (really). But I am wondering whether you might make more progress with someone else...

But then I guess I do that. I don't know if / how you can ask for someone to just accept you.

I had another CBT t who also burned out trying to change me... She terminated me and I was really very upset about that so she emailed me to explain that she burned out and she needed to terminate me for her health because she said she just didn't know how to help me. I emailed her back 'maybe you don't need to change me maybe you could just accept me'. She emailed me back saying 'I can't do that'. Public health system and they need progress to justify treatment etc etc. I despair at 'that kind' of science sometimes :-( I didn't respond to that but...

DBT... Currently empirically validated as the most successful treatment for BPD... Linehan emphasises balancing acceptance with change. Acceptance with change. Why is that hard for people to grasp?

It is hard for me too... But sometimes acceptance is the most beautiful thing in the world. Instead of feeling like one is ramming oneself up against a brick wall... Acceptance simply *inspires* one. I don't know how to explain it...

Maybe... It is something therapists either get or don't get.

I can't get along with a therapist who doesn't get it...

I find things to be... Unnecessarily hard and painful.