Thanks guys....I did journal....I wrote as if someone close to me had just died...and yes the feelings are akin to grief...T always says I won't let myelf "feel" how much her miss her....and I get that kind of "duh" feeling when she says that.....then I looked up grief and thats when it hit me.....I didn't know what grief felt like....because as T so rightly says....I don't let myself "feel"....I spoke to my H about how does he feel around not having his mother and what does he do?....he just strugged and said "I just wait for it to pass"....this morning I feel myself again....and do feel so much better for having Identified the feelings....and for being honest with myself and others about it.