Dr. Marsha Linehan describes borderlines as burn patients. We have no emotional skin and every "touch" causes agony. I'm not sure about "quiet" BPD. You describe a lot of things that are common to the disorder. The thing is, it really doesn't matter what you call it. It matters that you tell your psychiatrist and/or therapist what is going on with you. As difficult as it may be, you have to put it all out on the table if you are going to get the correct treatment. Don't worry about the diagnosis. It won't change who you are and it won't change what it going on with you. You are describing feelings and emotions that I have experienced and I am sure others here will tell you that they know exactly what you are feeling. Just do your best to be honest with yourself and those who are trying to help you. It will take a lot of courage, but you can do it.