Sorry, he left you, without expressing reasons why If it is any of these diagnosis, I can only imagine that there's a degree of emotional difficulty that is felt by being the other man. To express his love, for you, yet, not able to have you to himself. And, it also sounds, like alcohol plays a factor. Sometimes, those with substance abuse disorders, can withdraw from others. Similar to a depression, which it also could be.

If you've reached out to him, and he hasn't responded, perhaps, stepping back and waiting to see, if he comes back around. And if so, confront him, on what transpired.

Sounds like a tough situation to be in, as your husband is aware of your infidelity, and has abused you. Do you fear for your safety with your husband, over this? Do you fear for the safety of your lover, because your husband is well aware of this relationship?