Healingchild, I hear you. I'm 49 and I've got the same thing going with my 34 year old T. It's comforting, maddening, frightening, embarrassing...and that obsessive anxiety, yes!

The good thing to know is, once you've acknowledged it and brought it forward, it stops running the show quite so much, and starts to work for you instead of against you. The pain and the anxiety start to fade, and you'll find that even your body reflects it differently. (the "burn" in my user name refers to my version of that awful aching fearful need)

The best thing you can do for yourself is share it with your T, and let her help you use those feelings to heal. And believe me, it can be so very healing, so effective in slowly closing those deep wounds that have bled and weakened you for so long. Being aware that it isn't "real," but giving yourself permission to feel it anyway, and using that connection with her to move you past those maternal gaps in your heart, can be the ticket out of a lot of old junk. At least it was for me.

As to telling--that is going to have to depend on your level of communication with her. If you feel fairly trusting of her, summon all your courage and either tell her, write it to her, email it to her, leave her a phone message...whatever you can manage. Let your adult mind guide the child, if you can separate it out that way.

I told mine straight out, after many months, and it was agonizingly hard and embarrassing and awkward and all that. And after I told her, I hazarded a glance, and she was looking at me with tears and love and so much empathy that I didn't know whether to run, s***, or go blind. But the ice had broken, and the river began to flow, and I've been getting better ever since.

Good luck, you can do it!